I guess I should start at the beginning. About a year ago I seriously began to pray that God would use me in whatever way He saw fit. “Make me a missionary Lord, send me wherever because I’m ready,” I prayed. Well apparently He had other ideas.
Some of my Facebook friends may remember when I posted a status update saying that I’d been hearing the Lord tell me to “run”, just that one word, which I completely ignored for four months. I’m a rather hefty girl and running didn’t sound like a good idea to me. I heard it again one morning in June but instead of ignoring it I put on my shoes, went out the door and ran like a wild woman. I was a heaving, sweaty mess after less than ten minutes but I ran. A few nights later I had a dream; a vivid, very detailed dream. When I woke up the next morning I remembered all of it and knew what the Lord wanted me to do but I resisted. I thought up excuses like I’m not a writer, I’m a nurse. I give out band aids and ice packs. I don’t know how to write a book, but He was persistent. When that line of excuses didn’t work I moved on to the real reason I didn’t want to obey.
My dream was about a good Christian girl who made some very unchristian like choices, just like I had. I have been saved since I was 12 but haven’t always lived like it. I lived for myself for many years no matter the cost, and a lot of the times it was a high price to pay. So I argued with the Lord again. Who am I to write a Christian book? Send me to some war-torn country but don’t make me talk about things I’ve covered up so well.
I live in a small southern town where everyone knows everyone and you can never outrun the mistakes you made. The Lord didn’t let me give in to those thoughts of unworthiness though. He led me to verses in the Bible like-Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths” and 2 Timothy 2:7 “Consider what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything” and Psalm 46:10 “Stop your fighting-and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth” and Joshua 1:9 “Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go”. There are many, many more that I highlighted time after time when doubt would creep in again but I stood firm and continued to pray and knew that this was my calling. I don’t know how long this will be my calling, maybe it’s only for a season but that’s okay because if my journey or my book helps one person realize that they are worthy and loved in God’s eyes then it was all worth it. So I picked up my computer, put a smile on my face and began to write the story He’d given me.
It wasn’t an easy summer by any means. My husband, bless his heart, was as understanding as any man would be when his wife of 15 years suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a crying, typing, mess of a woman. My sons became accustomed to seeing me sitting at the kitchen table, ear buds in place with tears streaming down my face as I typed away. They endured a summer of ‘whatever you can find’ meals and piles of unwashed clothes while I did something I never dreamed I could do. I sat down at my computer and wrote a 90,000 word, 36 chapter book in 10 weeks.
The summer ended but the book wasn’t quite finished so I returned to school with a heavy heart. I missed the closeness I felt to the Lord during those long hot days; the hours listening to Christian music, the time spent in prayer and reading my Bible making sure what I wrote was from Him and not from me. I finally finished the story this past week. I felt a little sad that this part of my journey was over but excited to see what the Lord would do with all those words I’d poured my heart into.
I subscribed to a daily devotional about a year ago. They came by email every morning and most of time I deleted them without having read them. I had several others I already used so I didn’t feel too bad about it. Last week instead of deleting them I read them, and they were really good but the one that came on the morning after I finished my book was just more confirmation that the Lord was in control. It was titled “Run the Race with Endurance” and it was written like a dream sequence. The words hit me like an arrow to the heart. I could barely see the screen through my tears. The Lord began my journey on a run and He ended it on one too.
My novel is called Katie’s Glimpse and will be available soon as an e-book through Amazon and Smashwords. I will keep you updated on the progress of it as it goes through the editing process. I hope my blog encourages you to put on your shoes and go for your “run” because you will never know what He has waiting for you until you step out in faith.
P.S.-After I went on that first “run”, I never heard the word again 🙂
Many blessings to you,